“We shall fight in the streets,” said Winston Churchill (not exactly, of course – quotes rarely are), and now councils across the country are taking these words to heart in their latest joint-initiative; a War on Homeless People.
“The War on Drugs and more recently the War on Terror have been very successful,” said Brigadier Armspit, Militaristic Fantasist at the Government’s Ministry of Peace. “Thanks to these past campaigns there is now no such thing as drug abuse or radicalised thinking in the UK (not including Whitehall, obviously), and we’re confident that this new War on Homeless People will prove to be another great offensive.”
First blood in the War on Homeless People has already been drawn in Doncaster, where a 40-year old man who had chosen the lifestyle of a rough sleeper with mental health issues has successfully been prosecuted for his clear lack of asset-owning aspiration. But with 2,414 people estimated to sleep rough each night in England, the War on Homeless People has only just begun.
“Some commentators have got this notion that shelter is some kind of fundamental human right, but I can assure you that under this Government there is no right to shelter; only the right to buy. Own or be disowned. Simples! (That’s still a popular catchphrase from those stupid meerkat adverts, right?)”
“Our public space protection orders are providing local authorities in Oxford, Kent, and Chelmsford with the means to cleanse these grubby al fresco bohemians from our public places. Their message and mine to those who choose a homeless lifestyle is simple – get off the streets and get a job.”
When asked how people who find themselves homeless could secure a job – any job, let alone one that pays enough to get on the property ladder – without a registered place of residence, Brigadier Armspit responded “Shut up, you dirty socialist,” before storming off to his publicly-funded barracks.
Campaigners warn new anti-social behaviour powers could be used to target the homeless, The Independent, Online: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/campaigners-warn-new-antisocial-behaviour-powers-could-be-used-to-target-the-homeless-a6698476.html, Available: October 2015
Doncaster: Homeless man prosecuted for sleeping rough, Streets Kitchen, Online: http://streetskitchen.co.uk/?p=3393, Available: October 2015